I was reading the start of a book by an amazing author, Lysa TerKeurst, today. My brain started whirling when I decided to comment on the beginnings of what is going to be a great book. The topic? Women and the issue of saying Yes and No. We all know this story very well. It is our story and we deal with it everyday. It doesn't matter whether you are a mom working out of the home, or a mom working from home. It doesn't even matter if you are a mom, or a young woman just starting out in life. We all deal with this particular juggle and can relate AT ANY AGE and AT ANY PLACE in our lives. Here is my take on it:
You know the type. Cheerleader. Looks immaculate in her cute cheerleading outfit, is an honor roll student and has tons of friends. Or how about this? She somehow manages to wear a sleek suit and high heels, has no hair out of place and is quite comfortable running a boardroom meeting full of men in suits. Or, how about this one? She is perfectly comfortable with a kid hanging off her leg as she makes dinner, does homework with the older child, talks the teenager through a teenage crisis, her house is immaculate and she looks like she just stepped out of a magazine. In jeans and a t-shirt. Oh, and she makes these cute little cut-out treats for each holiday and sends them with her kids to class while somehow managing to volunteer for every function at school. And both of these women's kids look like angels in church.
Ugh. Sound familiar? Sound like someone you are trying to emulate? Yep. I can relate. I am totally ok letting you know that I have a problem. You may have guessed it. I CAN'T say no. Well, at least I am not very good at it. See, I grew up with a super mom. She worked, put my dad through pharmacy school and ran a family. Oh, she went to school again herself, was more or less a single parent when my dad traveled and was soccer mom. She entertained for my dad's co-workers, took my sister and I to church and sent us to religious ed AND had a clean house. Was it always calm and happy? Is life ever always calm and happy? And my grandma? You guessed it. She was a nurse, more or less a single parent as my grandpa traveled AND she had 4 boys and a girl. And a clean house. Grandma was also a super mom and is super grandma. They made it look good and they did it just like the women before them.
You see, this story isn't just my story. It is the story of womanhood. And it goes back a long time. It is imprinted on us..it is a learned experience.We either are surrounded by women in our lives, growing up, who take on too much, do too little, or somehow manage to balance it all and maintain a sense of calm. Somehow, we know that we will embody the best qualities of the women who influence us, but do some things a little bit different.
I turned 37 yesterday. I'd like to say that I've learned who I am, that I am wiser. And in many ways I am. I've experienced a lot in the first half of this life, and I've grown as a person, mostly as a mom. Have I embodied the best qualities of the women in my life? I'd like to think so. I hope so. But I still have this problem of knowing when to say yes and when to say no. For example, I have three girls. And I am sure if you ask them about their mom, they would tell you something about how I love to clean and do laundry, love to take them to Irish Dance and swim team, love to take them to piano and learn it with them, love to make dinner, do their homework with them, write a blog and in my spare time, love to substitute teach. :) Yep, classic. I, in fact, only sit still while I am in the car driving them to and from their events. And maybe when I fall into bed, where I lay there thinking about my commitments to the next day and evaluating myself before God, letting him take stock in what I did or didn't do that day.
This story of women, actually began with Eve. Eve said yes to the forbidden fruit and changed us forever. She had a lot of outside influences weighing on her choice and it wasn't good. Who knows what else influenced the yes...was she trying to make dinner for Adam, take care of the animals that were left in their charge and evaluate herself before God? Probably. She may have been the first woman that said yes to something because she had a million other things going on and making a decision made it one less thing on her plate to do, but she won't be the last. With this decision to say yes to a desire, humanity fell and changed. And we all deal with this repercussion. We as women are called every day to evaluate our "yes" and our "no." Are we saying yes or no based upon what is good for us, what serves others, or what makes us happy, makes us feel good, makes us fit in or look good to others? Is our decision a snap yes or no, so that we can get on to the next thing we face? Or is it well thought out, prayed about and impacts us and others in a positive way?
And then there is THE MOST important yes that changed our lives in a positive way forever. This yes was from Mary. And it was a big one. And it wasn't a yes that she just threw out there in order to get something off her to-do list. And, she was a young woman, clearly very mature for her age. Her yes to God changed everything. And she said yes to the unkown, risking it all. BUT, when she said yes, she asked God to be with her on her journey. She not only wrote the history that only God had predicted, she laid the ground-work for women to come, leaving us with many examples of what a woman should be. She gave us an example of a yes that was positive, that would impact everyone and that God called her to say yes to.
Therein lies the...dare I say...secret? I believe that we need to determine the importance of our yes or no based upon how it will impact us as women and our family and then we need to let go of the guilt and fear and make our YES loud and clear and ask God to be a part of it. And, for most of us women, we don't learn this until we do a little bit of "growing up," and knowing who we are as women and what we want from our lives. Which doesn't happen overnight. It's a continued process. So of course, I will probably take on more than I can handle again at somepoint...maybe even tonight. :)
But, I have many women in my life that are good examples. Mary is one of them. My mom and my grandma are the next most important. My sister, who is younger and wiser in many ways is another. I am lucky to have many amazing aunts, and, I have many girlfriends that I am blessed to call my sisters. May you all have the time to say yes or no based upon a prayerful decision. And may you feel good about your decison, no matter what the outcome is. Because only God knows what He has called you to do. And no matter where you are right now in this moment, you are where you are supposed to be.
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